Two Beers and a Pretzel

In July of 2006, I went to Europe with my friend Will to pick up my shiny new car.  Incidentally, if you’re ever in the market for a new German car, look into the manufacturer’s European Delivery option. Most offer about 7% off MSRP, 2 weeks of driving in Europe with zero deductible insurance, and free shipping back to your dealership.

But you have to get there first…

We flew overnight from Cincinnati to Paris, then caught a connector to Prague.  At CVG (Cincy), we discovered the absolute bliss of the Duty Free Shop where you could buy a 1.5 liter bottle of vodka for about  $11.

Thinking ahead, and having 2 hours to kill before the flight, we realized that we were in dire need of cranberry juice to complete the elixir.  Airport shop after airport shop denied us our quarry.  Apple, orange, and pineapple juice were plentiful, but cranberry was nowhere to be found.  …Until we came upon a rather sizable bar.  In our moment of desperation, Will inquired on the availability of cranberry juice.

“I’m sorry,” replied the bartender holding a large bottle of our desired nectar, “we only sell by the glass.”

Unswayed by the retort, Will immediately reverted the conversation to a 5th grade word-problem:

Will: “How much per glass?”

Bartender: “Five dollars.”

Will: “So, how many glasses of cranberry juice do you think are in that bottle?”

Bartender: ”Um, I don’t know… maybe four.” 

Will: “So that would be $20″

Bartender:  ”Yep.”

Will: “Sold!  Wrap it up!!”

Bartender:  ”I can’t, my boss will get mad if I give you the whole bottle.”

Will: “Then pour it into 4 glasses and give me the bottle…  I’ll pour it back in.”

Bartender:  ”You’ll make a mess on my bar!  Wait until no one is looking and I’ll give you the bottle.”

The stealthy transaction was carried out.  The bartender kept her job.  The bottle fit into my carry-on.  The vodka was delivered onto the plane by the Duty Free Store.  The stewardesses were probably curious as to how 2 men could possibly need so many cups of ice on an eight hour flight.

The highlight of the flight was an argument between me and Will about whether we would see the sunrise before we landed.  Having never flown across the pond before, and possibly disoriented due to the vodka, Will somehow believed that the sunset we had just witnessed would be the last time we see the glowing orb again for two more days.   Unfortunately, he was not drunk enough to take my $1000 bet that we would see the sunrise before we landed.

Sadly, we ran out of vodka 6 hours into the flight.

Even worse, we had to take a bus the long and twisting way around Charles de Gaulle (CDG) airport in a heightened state of awareness roughly known as “hungover and need to pee.”

I went to the Ryder Cup on Sunday.  I’ve always had a blast in Louisville and this time was definitely not a disappointment.

I bought the grounds tickets from my buddy Joe and took my bud Seann (yes, that’s the correct spelling) - whom I owed after he got me into the Memorial last year. Seann’s mom and step-dad were actually working at the tournament, so we got a parking pass to the volunteers lot. That was a massive score, as the volunteer lot was less crowded with lots of shuttles and not nearly as far from the course as the general parking. We also crashed at Seann’s sister’s very nice house.

Now for the Ryder Cup…

We arrived at Valhalla around 10 AM and walked around for a bit. We made it near the 1st tee for the first 4 tee-offs, then wandered over to the grandstands at the 13th green. Azinger jumped off his cart and fired up the crowd just before Kim and Garcia played the hole. From the grandstands, we could also see the action on the 14th green - watching Kim putt to win his match. We stayed there until Boo Weekley and Phil Wilson came thru.

Off to the main store… This was a massive tent. Similar to Octoberfest in Munich - only completely full of golf merchandise. Working in retail fulfillment myself, I was really impressed with the setup - especially since it was just a temporary one.

Finally, on to the 17th fairway and green to watch the approaching climax of the event. There must have been 40,000 people just around that hole. We squeezed thru the crowd to get a view of the green and watched Furyk and Jimenez putting (doesn’t Jimenez look like a Spanish Gene Hackman?). Actually being there while you’re listening to NBC and the BBC announcing it live was electric.

I gotta see these guys live.  Gabby’s rhythm guitar technique floors me…

So apparently there is an accepted definition of Circumnavigation: You must pass through two points on the Earth that are exact opposites on the globe (antipodes), then return to the exact place you started your journey.

This is somewhat difficult for the land traveller, since there are few antipodal landmasses. My two best chances at meeting this strict definition will be New Zealand and Spain, or Argentina and China.

Image from the Wikipedia article on Antipodes