Two Beers and a Pretzel

Yes, I am alive.  No, I’m not in jail.

I just got back from 3 days canoeing in Great Sandy National Park.

It rained.

It rained a LOT!!

I slept in a puddle.

Aaron and I were picked up by the tour company on the 5th and taken by boat to the park.  We loaded up canoes with 5 other groups and were all off on our own to paddle up a river frequented by bull sharks.

12k canoeing in light rain to our campsite.  It was actually not raining whie we setup camp…  then after a Campbell’s Chunky dinner, the downpour came.

The morning of the 6th was nice.  We started a 6k paddle up to a trail, and a 6k walk to a high sand dune.

6k back to the canoes, and 6k paddle back to camp.  About 10 minutes into canoeing, the monsoon began.

It didn’t let up until 4 am.  The water puddled around our campsite, and rose about a foot.  Our tent was 2″ under water, so as the rain broke, we took a stove to the cooking shelter and tried to stay dry.

Aside from really large bats, snakes, spiders and wild turkey’s, I told one Canadian girl to watch out for Albino Vampire Kangaroo.  She was a bit gullible and thought there actually was such a thing.

We got back to the hostel on the 7th.  Corinna was still there, as well as a bunch of dutch girls from the surf camp.  After I took a 4 hour nap, Corinna, Aaron and I played Texas Hold’em for a while.  Then Aaron went to bed and Corinna had to do laundry, so I started playing solitaire.

This is when the night got interesting…

A thin British guy (Daniel) walks up and wants to play poker for  beer.  I oblige and cede a beer to him.  Then I proceed to win 4 beers.  Another guy (Chris) with a crippled right arm walks up and joins us.  Corinna comes back and Daniel strikes out in a bad attempt at hitting on her.  The bar closed, so I went back to my room to bring out some bourbon.  A few poker games and toasts later, and Daniel is hammered.

Then, out of nowhere, a husk German guy walks up and asks why 2 normal guys are hanging out with a genetic freak with a deformity.  We make it clear that we are all friends and his comments are not welcome.  He procees to tell us that Chris should have been killed as a child (the bad arm was a result of a brain tumor removed wen he was 6, not a birth defect), his parents must have inbred, and he should not procreate.

We told the German to “get the F&^% out of here” and he left… for a while.

He came back and announced that he was an American in the US Special Forces, a US Marine, had killed 3 kangaroo, he rigged the election so that Obama would win and the US would fail as a superpower, loved George Bush because Bush gave him videos to show how to use all the wonderful weapons from the USA, then reiterated that Chris did not deserve to be alive.

I told him that he did not have the eyes or swagger of a US Marine, roadkill does not count as a boastful kill, Chris has a better right to live than him in my opinion, and it’s obvious to anyone that aliens control all US elections.

That really confused him and he started arguing that aliens do not exist.

I told him that Aliens control his thoughts and he should go to his camper to shield himself from the space rays.

Daniel wanted to kill him (after telling us he used to be the Queen’s butler – yes, he really said that).  So Daniel went to get his truck and a chain to tow the German’s camper into the river.  Chris and I stopped that, but failed to stop Daniel from stripping to his skivies and jumping off the bridge into the Noosa river at midnight (where 2 fisherman has just seen a Bull Shark).  Actually, I stopped Daniel once, but he was too quick the 2nd time.  He made it safe to shore, albeit tangled in fishing line, so I dumped his clothes on the land and told him I’m not babysitting.  Chris and I walked back to the hostel, and I went to bed.

2 more days in Noosa and it’s finally nice out…  but no surf…

We are heading to Fraser Island in a few days!  Tomorrow is Australia Zoo – home of Steve Irwin’s Legacy.