Two Beers and a Pretzel

5:00 AM – Get to Nashville airport.  Find out they won’t book me thru to Honduras because I don’t have a return ticket.  Change checked luggage to just go to Miami.

6:15 AM – Flight to Miami.

9:45 CST – Arrive at Miami.  Walk 1/2 a mile to the other end of the terminal carrying 70# of crap.  Book an onward refundable flight on TECA from Honduras to Costa Rica on Nov 24th.

1:45 CST – Flight to San Pedro

3:00 PM EST – Arrive in the original Banana Republic at San Pedro with a 30 minute layover and a massive immigration line.

3:25 PM – Still in line.  Find out my flight was cancelled due to weather.

3:40 PM – Get shuffled onto a bus to La Cieba with 25 other people and a Chiuaua.  Pass banana plantions and bridge construction project with armed guards.

6:45 PM – Arrive a La Cieba airport.  Meet 3 other Americans and split a cab to the Grand Paris Hotel.

8 PM – Meet friends for dinner – everyplace is closed…

9 PM – …except the hotel restraunt.  Order the “Typical Plate” of fried plantains, cheese, fried eggs, beans, rice, and something akin to meat.  Food was pretty good.  I’m guessing it was a bit more authentic than the Pizza Hut next ddor or Duncan Donuts down the street.  The local beer “South Beach” is like a sweeter version of Corona.

11:30 – Finishing this e-mail and going to bed.  Need to catch the ferry to Roatan tomorrow at 9:30 AM.

I’ll get some pics tomorrow

In July of 2006, I went to Europe with my friend Will to pick up my shiny new car.  Incidentally, if you’re ever in the market for a new German car, look into the manufacturer’s European Delivery option. Most offer about 7% off MSRP, 2 weeks of driving in Europe with zero deductible insurance, and free shipping back to your dealership.

But you have to get there first…

We flew overnight from Cincinnati to Paris, then caught a connector to Prague.  At CVG (Cincy), we discovered the absolute bliss of the Duty Free Shop where you could buy a 1.5 liter bottle of vodka for about  $11.

Thinking ahead, and having 2 hours to kill before the flight, we realized that we were in dire need of cranberry juice to complete the elixir.  Airport shop after airport shop denied us our quarry.  Apple, orange, and pineapple juice were plentiful, but cranberry was nowhere to be found.  …Until we came upon a rather sizable bar.  In our moment of desperation, Will inquired on the availability of cranberry juice.

“I’m sorry,” replied the bartender holding a large bottle of our desired nectar, “we only sell by the glass.”

Unswayed by the retort, Will immediately reverted the conversation to a 5th grade word-problem:

Will: “How much per glass?”

Bartender: “Five dollars.”

Will: “So, how many glasses of cranberry juice do you think are in that bottle?”

Bartender: ”Um, I don’t know… maybe four.” 

Will: “So that would be $20″

Bartender:  ”Yep.”

Will: “Sold!  Wrap it up!!”

Bartender:  ”I can’t, my boss will get mad if I give you the whole bottle.”

Will: “Then pour it into 4 glasses and give me the bottle…  I’ll pour it back in.”

Bartender:  ”You’ll make a mess on my bar!  Wait until no one is looking and I’ll give you the bottle.”

The stealthy transaction was carried out.  The bartender kept her job.  The bottle fit into my carry-on.  The vodka was delivered onto the plane by the Duty Free Store.  The stewardesses were probably curious as to how 2 men could possibly need so many cups of ice on an eight hour flight.

The highlight of the flight was an argument between me and Will about whether we would see the sunrise before we landed.  Having never flown across the pond before, and possibly disoriented due to the vodka, Will somehow believed that the sunset we had just witnessed would be the last time we see the glowing orb again for two more days.   Unfortunately, he was not drunk enough to take my $1000 bet that we would see the sunrise before we landed.

Sadly, we ran out of vodka 6 hours into the flight.

Even worse, we had to take a bus the long and twisting way around Charles de Gaulle (CDG) airport in a heightened state of awareness roughly known as “hungover and need to pee.”